In an attempt to once again deny deny deny, I surveyed my surroundings….Disguising my motivation to learn all the details of my brother’s life in the form of ‘bringing him dinner out of the goodness of my heart’? Check. Speedometer set at 65 mph? Check. Glasses firmly set at the tip of my nose with my hands at 10 and 2 all while gently bobbing to the musical stylings of one Mr. Kenny G? Check. Check, and holy crap, Check!!! I hoped that quickly plugging in my IPod and blasting some random 90’s rap song, something about more money and more problems, might restore my dignity and possibly allow me to slip back into the oblivion known as denial, but to my demise all I could think about for the rest of the drive was all of the little characteristics that I have inherited and exhibit on a daily basis…and so I have created a list for your reading pleasure of how you KNOW when you are becoming…..dahdaaadadahhhh, your mother.
• While your significant other is driving, you; wordlessly tap your passenger side window to indicate what direction you want the vehicle to go, make sudden and overly dramatic gasping noises for no apparent reason, white knuckle the dashboard anytime another vehicle approaches within 20 feet of your car, use this valuable time of not actually having to do anything but sit and stare at the road ahead, to catch up with all 21 of your nearest and dearest BFF’s, on speaker of course.
• You call your husband, boyfriend, favorite child, dog or naggy neighbor, it really doesn’t matter who it is, as long as you feel the need to chat, as many times as needed until they finally answer the phone. I will go on record as stating that I in fact have received 25 missed calls from my mother in the span of 20 minutes, oh and don’t forget….if you can’t reach whoever it is you are trying to get a hold of, you go ahead and start calling their best friend’s mother’s uncle to find out where they are and why they are not answering your phone.
*******I particularly utilize this trait when my abandonment issues really kick in and Michael will not answer his phone, I don’t care if he is in the middle of injecting Novocain into someone’s jaw, I need to talk, and I need to talk now….
• The drawer next to your refrigerator, aka the one that used to be filled with keg taps and ping pong balls in college, is now overflowing with Round Table and Cultive coupons…even though you will never use them.
• While you demand that your roommate, hubby or child wake up at the butt crack of dawn to play Cinderella and scrub down the bathrooms and take down the dirty clothes before school or work (helllloooo, my childhood)…you STILL obsess about people coming over to your home, and it being haaahhh..gasp…messy! In other wards you live and die by Pledge and Windex, and you take it as a compliment when your guests make a slight choking face when they walk into your house and are asphyxiated by Island Mist Febreeze.
• You’ve had a bad day, and instead of going to Taco Bell to buy out the entire Value Menu…you exclaim that anyone who depends on you for food supplies is on their own for dinner, and you hop on down to Raley’s picking yourself up a nice German chocolate cake and box of Pasta-Roni Stroganoff (I know this is pretty specific, but it is probably one of the traits that I most fear to inherit…)
This list is only the tip of the ice berg of what I have to look forward, the minor traits that can be brushed off as ‘cute’ and possibly ‘endearing’. It won’t be until my DVR lineup includes ‘Days of Our Lives’, ‘Wheel of Fortune’ and syndicated episodes of ‘Survivor’, until I really start worrying.
I am not going to lie, this post definitely had me chuckling to myself as I recalled all of my mom’s quirks and eccentricities. And in the end, I have realized…so maybe I have an irrational view of what is really clean, and maybe I get worked up into a tizzy when I go to a restaurant that I have not already pre approved…but if I have inherited these quirks, then I can only hope that I have also inherited even a pinch of the kind of mom my mom has always been to me, because I think that would be totally va bene.
***Authors Note: The term ‘Shucksie Darn’ is not an original phrase, please direct all credit to Ms. Lindzy Anderson and her shared fear/wonderment of becoming her very own madre.
Ciao Ciao,
What about the seat belt arm reach across when you have to stop suddenly in traffic? If you aren't doing that yet, then you are safe.
ReplyDelete{I will admit that I do the reach across even though Cody hates it and says that if we were to be in a wreck my arm would do nothing to save him.}
My mother's idiosyncrasies are very different than yours, but I find myself re-living my childhood at least 3 times a week...hearing the words coming straight out of my mouth.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me shudder just a little...but also makes me feel that the world just comes full circle. I can't wait until Darian finds herself doing things MY way:)
Um, this was hilarious. Mostly because I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am the lightest sleeper EVER, yet refuse to buy earplugs for the mere reason that it would mean I would turn into my mother. I would literally rather lose two hours of sleep than place ear plugs in my shopping cart. The cashier would totally judge me.
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